Another call from my 81 year old dad who cannot get on the internet. He restarted the computer and his DSL modem. Yes DSL, one step up from dialup and two from smoke signals.

He called me on his cell phone then proceeded to put it on “speaker” so he could type and talk. Although it was not on speaker, because I could barely hear him and he could not hear me. PLUS the cell phone reception was so shitty, I shouted for him to call back from a land line.

While he was on the phone with me the house phone rang, my mother picked up. She told me when my dad called back that it was someone from “NetCom” and that her computer was being attacked. Horseshit. Another asshole trying to scam octogenarians.

Anyway, as far as the internet is concerned, his cell phone and tablet can both get online, it’s the computer.

He then tries to tell me how he attempted to troubleshoot the issue. “I went into the the thing and it said my address is working but I can’t get on the internet. Does that make sense?” No dad, no, it doesn’t. I have no idea what the hell he’s talking about, or what random button he clicked this time to “fix” his issue. Probably the same button on the keyboard that controls the screen brightness, that they called about a couple days ago. My mother must have pressed it making it super dark.

Anyway, I digress.

So I then texted him a photo of the Wifi icon ON and the Wifi icon OFF of my computer. First I had to tell him that in the photo I sent it is the fourth icon from the left. He then tells me, after I have told him his screen will be different and his icons will be different, what his fourth icon is, which is a thing with a line down the middle. Which obviously is not the Wifi icon.

I then suggest he take a photo of his icons and text it to me so I can see the icons he has. That takes about five minutes because I have to teach him how to text a photo.

I finally see his screen. His Wifi is working. So I ask, how do you know it is not working? What are you seeing? What website are you trying to visit? Perhaps

He pulls up the browser and goes “Oh, oh it’s working! It’s working!”.

He then tells me he doesn’t use the computer anymore, he uses his tablet.

My mother uses the computer and when she has trouble she enlists my dad as her tech support. My mother can barely operate a mouse, and as always, it is never user error. It is always the “God damn computer’s” fault.

That’s a good 45 minutes of my life I will never get back.